


While you were sleeping

by QueenCow



Series: When You Logged In [4]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Acceptance, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Coming Out, Eventual Fluff, Eventual Happy Ending, Good Parent Maryse Lightwood, Good Parent Robert Lightwood, Guilt, Head Injury, Heavy Angst, Injury Recovery, LGBTQ Themes, Long-Distance Relationship, M/M, Magnus Bane Is A Freewheeling Bisexual, Major Character Injury, Mental Anguish, Music, Non-fluent aphasia, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Slice of Life, triggers in notes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-08
Updated: 2019-10-10
Packaged: 2020-06-24 14:45:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 20,089
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19725787
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueenCow/pseuds/QueenCow
Summary: How quickly can something so fragile fall apart?Miles apart, with their relationship hanging by a thread they so desperately want to keep holding onto, suddenly tugs them together.But nothing is ever that easy, is it?Aka: Alec is hurt, Magnus flies across the country to be with him, meets the inlaws and ponders on the short time they had together.Is their bond strong enough to survive this?





	1. Unsure

**Author's Note:**

> No death. Happy ending planned. But angsty journey comes first. 
> 
> I hope you like it. 
> 
> Thanks, Elle. This wouldn't have been possible without you.

Those moments in movies when someone rushes into the hospital when their loved one is hurt? The doors swing open and they have this look on their faces. The furrowed brow, wet eyes, mouth half open, as they run to the front desk and demand to see whoever it is they're looking for? 

That's not how it happens. 

Magnus walked through the door and stopped. Before, when he heard what had happened, the only thing he could think of was getting his ass on a plane, fly to Alabama, and run like the wind until he was at Alec's side. But right at that moment, as he stood in front of the front desk, it hit him. 

Alec was hurt. Badly. He was not okay, and it was terrifying. He could be dead. 

And what about Alecs family? What would he say to them? Magnus had only met Jace and Maryse in person. He had spoken to Izzy a few times via phone. Was Magnus even welcome here? What made him qualified to waltz into the hospital and demand to know where Alec was? 

Magnus felt a hand on his shoulder, and he looked up to see Ragnor. Right. He was there too. 

“Come on, lad. Let's go find Maryse.” 

Magnus only nodded and started walking. 

He barely noticed that Ragnor had pulled out his cellphone to make a short phone call, probably to ask Maryse which floor they were on. His mind was drifting. Back to their last conversation. To their date in New York. To how they met. 

Alexander. His skin, his kisses, his touch. He could barely remember how it had felt. But now, it rushed over him like a ghost, a cold hand gripping his insides. It sent a shiver down his spine. His heart was pounding. His ears were ringing. A soft bell sound ran through the air as the elevator doors opened, and Ragnor pulled him out. 

They walked in silence. Magnus kept his gaze to the floor. The air was too clean. It was cold compared to the outside. Alabama was warm and welcoming, like Alec. But the hospital must have cranked up the AC to counter the heat, because it felt more like New York during autumn. 

“Magnus!” 

He looked up to see Maryse. She was wearing a hospital gown over her clothes, and she looked exhausted. She rushed to him and wrapped her arms around him. Magnus accepted the hug instantly, partially hoping to give her some sort of comfort. The rest of him just tried to ground itself to the situation. She pulled back and forced a smile, probably to show that she was happy to see him. He might have done the same. He heard Ragnor and Maryse speak quietly while he stared at the door. Alec was in there. 

Alec had been out riding with Jace when a snake spooked Stele, and Alec had fallen and hit his head. He had tucked his limbs in and tried to protect his head, but it hadn't been enough. 

The words “skull flap was removed” and “risk of infection” were the only words he heard. 

“Would you like to see him?” he heard Maryse ask. He nodded once. After putting on a hospital gown and washing his hands, Maryse helped him put on plastic gloves. His hands were shaking. He raised his hand to the doorknob. And with a deep breath, he opened the door. 

A soft, steady beeping sound was the first thing Magnus noticed. There was a monitor next to Alecs bed, ticking steadily. There was a metal stand there too, with two bags attached to it. There was another one just like it on the other side of his bed. He wasn't sure what happened next. Not until his mind processed Alec lying on that hospital bed. He had bandages around his head and an oxygen mask over his face. His eyes were closed. The covers were pulled up to his chest. It looked like Alec was just sleeping. Like he'd wake up at any moment and smile. All Magnus had to do was look at his phone to see that smile, although his smile was more beautiful in person. 

He felt a hand on his shoulder and turned his head to see Maryse. She had a sad smile on her face. “You can go closer, if you want.” 

Magnus turned back to Alec and slowly stepped forward until he was next to the bed. He raised his hand and laid it on top of Alecs. He held it. But Alec didn't hold his hand back. His hand was still warm, but it was limp and it made Magnus feel cold. 

A few tears fell down his cheeks and he wiped them off quickly. He reached for the chair behind him and brought it closer to the bed and he sat down.


	2. Unknown

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There was so much about head injuries that he didn't understand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because of a comment I got. Here ya go.

“Magnus? Visiting hours ended. Let's get back to the hotel.” 

Magnus looked at Ragnor, who was standing by the door, and nodded. He turned back to Alec and pressed two fingers to his own lips, then gently touching them to Alec’s cheek. “See you tomorrow, darling.” He then exited the room and removed his gloves and hospital gown. 

Three days had passed since Magnus got to the hospital. 4 days since the accident. And there was still no response from Alec. A doctor stopped by every 4 hours for the routine check ups, shining a light in Alecs eyes and poking him with his pen, but the doctor would always frown and shake his head. Maybe next time, he would say. 

The worst part of it, was the fact that they didn't have any answers. They didn't know why he wasn't waking up. They didn't explain properly what was going on. All they said was “he needs time to heal”, as if that would make them feel better. 

Magnus had a plan. Ragnor’s good friend, Catarina Loss. She was an Occupational Therapist at the New York Brain Trauma Facility. She would have answers. 

“What do you say we have burgers for dinner? Just this once.” Ragnor said with a small smile. 

In all honesty, if Ragnor hadn't been there, Magnus would most likely not be as composed as he was right now. Ragnor had always been his best friend, since he first arrived in America. After taking him in, feeding him and making sure his clothes were clean, Magnus could honestly say he owed the man his life. They never argued, they always discussed everything. Magnus sneaking out at night turned into Magnus getting a job as a dj at a friends club, under full supervision. Ragnor had called it a win win situation. Magnus was grounded, yes, and he got a job to earn his own money. He also got to do what he loved doing, and Ragnor would know he was safe. 

Ragnor was also an exceptionally good listener. During the past few months, he would always listen to Magnus talk endlessly about Alec. And he was always there when Magnus missed Alec. A long distance relationship was hard work. Ragnor would offer advice in the form of light teasing, and comment on how love sick Magnus was. 

_ “Seeing you walking around with that grin on your face makes me want to puke. But I'm glad you're happy.”  _

Even during the more difficult days, when the distance got to him, he knew he could count on Ragnor to cheer him up with a bowl of cereal and Tom and Jerry cartoons. It was something they did when Magnus would stay home sick as a child, so it became tradition as he got older. 

But this, this situation was different. Going to Ragnor for relationship advice was one thing. Talking to him about this was different. So in a way, Magnus had shut him out. Not on purpose, he just couldn't find the words. 

Magnus gave him a small smile and nodded. “That sounds delicious. I'll wait in the hotel room.” Ragnor nodded and left. Magnus felt bad about how he was treating him. He would make it up to him at some point in his life, after everything he gave up for Magnus. He promised himself that a long time ago. 

As soon as Magnus got into the hotel room, he pulled out his phone and dialed Catarina’s number. After a few rings, she answered. 

“Hey, Magnus!” 

A sigh of relief escaped him. He was always happy to hear from Cat, but right now her voice was the second most beautiful sound he had ever heard. 

He had met Catarina soon after he came to America as a child. He was 8 years old at the time. Ragnor had called her for help when Magnus wouldn't stop crying after dropping a plate, and she won him over with promises of ice cream and a disney movie. She became his favorite person. 

“Hey, Cat.” 

There was some rustling on her side, before she spoke again. "What? What's wrong?” 

With a sigh, Magnus sat on one of the beds, one leg propped up. “It's Alec…” 

“Did you have a fight?” 

“I wish… he had an a-accident.” 

His voice broke at the end. He quickly wiped his eyes. He hadn't cried yet and he was not going to start now. 

“An accident… what happened?” Her voice softened. She was worried. Cat was the closest thing he had to a best friend, along with Clary. 

Biscuit. He had forgotten to call her. He made a mental note in the back of his head. 

“He uh… He went out riding with his brother… something spooked the horse and he fell off and hit his head.” Magnus covered his eyes and bit his lip. 

“Oh my… Magnus, is he okay?” 

Magnus sniffled slightly and shook his head, lowering his hand to play with the loose strings on the hole in his jeans, even though she couldn't see him. 

“No… the doctors said it… he's in a coma.” He hated how weak he sounded. He cleared his throat and shook his head. 

“Oh Magnus… is Ragnor there with you?” 

“No, he went to get some food. But he's been here the entire time.“ 

He took a long breath and swallowed. “The doctors… they um… they don't have any answers. They said they had to remove a skull flap. We have to wear a gown and gloves when we visit him, because of the risk of infection. And all they can tell us now is that he needs time to heal. What does that mean?” 

There was a small sigh, and another rustle. “Okay. How long has it been since the accident?” 

“Four days.” Magnus answered. 

“Okay… his vitals?” 

“Stable.” 

“Ventilator?” 

“No.” 

“Okay. And is he responding? To anything?” 

“No. Nothing.” His voice was shaking. “He's going to be okay, right? When he wakes up?” 

“Magnus…” Her voice shook slightly. It scared him. He already knew the answer to this. 

“Please, Cat.” He breathed out. 

There was a short pause before Cat continued. “He's in a coma. He might wake up and recover fully.” She said with a very professional voice. 

“But?” As much as he tried to avoid thinking about this, he knew it was coming. 

“He could also not wake up… and if he does, the battle is far from over.” 

“What do you mean?”

“Well… you said they removed a skull flap. A part of his brain is exposed to relieve the pressure. So his brain is only being covered by his scalp and the bandage. He’s prone to infection, that's why you have to wear the gown and gloves."

“His brain is exposed??” Magnus exclaimed. 

“Yes. They will not put the bone back to seal his skull until they are sure his brain won't swell again. Not until he is more stable.” 

“So when they put the… bone back in… he wakes up?” 

“Waking up from a coma isn't like it's shown on tv. It takes time, and he won't just open his eyes and go about his day. I can't tell you he will be okay because at this point, even the doctors don't know. It’s up to Alec now. It can be weeks or months until he wakes up. If he wakes up.” 

“When. When he wakes up.” Magnus corrected her. Alec would wake up. He had to. 

Cat paused before answering. “Yes. When he wakes up.” 

Magnus raised his hand and covered his eyes, letting out a small whimper. His mind drifted to a memory he had pushed away. 

During one of his many visits to the rehab facility, although he wasn't allowed to see any of the patients, he did witness something. He was standing by the front desk, waiting for Cat, when he heard a loud voice screaming. 

_ “NO.”  _

A door opened after that and the nurse walked out, looking a bit ruffled. She met with another nurse, and as they walked past him, he heard them talking. 

_ “He’s pinching again. And he almost kicked Maureen.”  _

When Cat arrived, he had asked her what had happened. She explained that the patient had a cognitive impairment. Cat had told him he hadn't recovered from PTA, Post Traumatic Amnesia. Changes in behaviour are common after a brain injury. The patient’s agitation and aggressiveness were due to a damage in his brain that controlled his emotions, his personality and his impulsivity. He also couldn’t speak. He couldn't tell anyone what was frustrating him. 

And Magnus suddenly had the image of Alec being the same way. It scared him. He knew he had to be strong, for Alec and his family. But at the same time, he felt helpless. Like there was nothing he could do. 

“I can't lose him, Cat.” 

“Magnus, listen to me. I know what you're thinking about. That was a worst case scenario of a patient that woke up and there is nothing that tells us it will happen that way with Alec. You need to stay positive.” Her voice was now stern, like a mother scolding her child. In some ways, Magnus felt like a child. But she was right. He needed to be strong. Alecs most prized possession was his family, and he was counting on Magnus to take care of them. There was a chance that Alec wouldn't recognise his family after this. They needed him. 

“Magnus? You with me?” 

Magnus took a deep breath. The problem was that he didn't know anything. He needed to know everything. He needed to be prepared. He reached for his bag and grabbed a notebook and a pen. 

“Yeah… what can you tell me about Post-traumatic amnesia?”

* * *

_ Post-traumatic amnesia (PTA) is a state of confusion that occurs immediately following a traumatic brain injury in which the injured person is disoriented and unable to remember events that occur after the injury.  _

_ Clouded consciousness. Inability to retain memories.  _

_ Dysarthria is a motor speech disorder resulting from neurological injury of the motor component of the motor-speech system and is characterized by poor articulation of phonemes.  _

_ Cognitive = speech and sound _

_ Aphasia is an inability to comprehend and formulate language because of dysfunction in specific brain regions.  _

_ Motor = Movement _

_ Apraxia is a disorder of voluntary movement where one cannot execute a purposeful activity despite the presence of adequate mobility, strength, sensation, coordination and comprehension. _


	3. Understandable

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As Alec sleeps, Magnus meets Reverend Robert Lightwood

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you like it.

Seven days since the accident. And there was no change. He glanced at Alec, who was still lying on the bed. Like he had for a week now. Magnus kept himself busy, getting as much information as he could on what to expect when Alec woke up. He would wake up. And he would get better. 

Right? 

Magnus quickly shoved that thought away. Alec would wake up. 

He closed his books and put them back into his bag. Visiting hours were almost over. He needed to call Cat for more information. He picked up his phone and saw a text from Ragnor. 

_ Had some business to take care of. Spoke to Robert, he will take you to the hotel.  _

Magnus had only met Robert once before, very briefly, when he picked up Maryse to take her back to their hotel room to rest. She had introduced them, and promptly dragged Robert out after he asked how he knew Alec. Not a good way to find out that his son was dating another man. That was 4 hours ago, when Magnus had offered to sit with Alec until visiting hours ended. The nurses had all but demanded that Maryse went to rest outside the hospital. Maryse had been there since the moment Alec had been admitted, refusing to leave his side even when they airlifted him from their small town to have the surgery here. She had also been a mother-like figure to him ever since they met, calling Magnus once a week to make sure he was okay. 

She was a tough woman with a caring heart, much like Izzy. He still hadn't met Izzy or Max. They were still back at the farm, along with Jace, making sure everything was taken care of. Their grandparents were staying with them, so they were also taken care of. 

But right now, Magnus had other things to worry about. Like how he was going to survive a car ride with Reverend Robert Lightwood, his boyfriend's father. Who, judging by the look on his face, knew Magnus and his son were more than friends. 

Robert Lightwood seemed like a stern man. From how Alec spoke about him, Magnus could see why he respected his father. He stood tall with his shoulders squared, his frown hidden by a few days old beard on his face. But as soon as he saw Magnus, he smiled. “There you are. You look exhausted.” 

It took Magnus a moment to respond. “Y-Yeah… I’m okay.” 

They walked to the car in silence, it was a fancy-looking pickup truck. The familiar “Ford” logo was emblazoned at the front. It took Magnus three tries to get in because the vehicle was too damn big. 

Robert started the car after Magnus buckled his seatbelt, and he was briefly distracted by how the engine purred. He recognised the sound from one of his many phone calls with Alec. 

“So, Maryse tells me you make music.” 

Magnus looked up and nodded. “Yeah. I'm a DJ. I make remixes.” 

Robert nodded. “Right… that's nice.” He probably had no idea what a DJ was. They sat in silence for a few minutes before Robert spoke again. 

“Alec likes music. All kinds. There's this one band he likes, Ram Sting. They sing in German.” 

Magnus smiled. “You mean Rammstein?” 

“Yes! That one. I never understand what they're singing about but the melodies are… nice.” Robert answered, keeping his eyes on the road. 

Magnus eyed the radio between them and smiled. “Well… I made a remix of one of their songs once. It’s Alec’s favorite. Would you like to hear it?” 

Robert nodded and gestured to the radio. “That would be great.” 

Magnus reached for his ipod and plugged in the aux cord. He had to give Robert credit. He was trying. But Magnus couldn't help but feel nervous. This was his future father-in-law. But he had hoped he wouldn't face the man without Alec beside him. He almost felt envious of Alec, snoozing quietly while he sat in a big ass truck with a scary man known as Reverend Robert Lightwood. Did he mention Robert was a priest? 

Not that there was anything wrong with that. Having faith and practicing it was completely alright. Magnus, however, was not a believer. He wasn’t particularly religious. And if Robert even found out what he and Alec did at night when he was asleep, by phone or webcam, then he would damn Magnus to the deepest pit of hell. Alec may be the son of a preacher man, but he was not as innocent as one would think. Magnus had gotten evidence of that when he received private lessons from Alec about bull riding in a hotel room in New York. 

Before his mind wandered too far, he scrolled down to the song and pressed play. The heavy beat took over and Robert started nodding his head to the beat. 

“You made this? Its really good.” Robert said, obviously impressed. Magnus couldn't help but feel extremely proud of himself. He spent two days making this. 

“Yeah.” He launched into a detailed description of what he did, like he always did when he was excited. Robert nodded and lowered the volume a little. Magnus almost regretted his babbling, but Robert didn't seem too annoyed by it. Instead, he listened. 

“Like this one song. It’s by Engelbert Humperdinck-”

“You know Engelbert Humperdinck??” Robert said loudly and stopped at a red light. 

“Yes! I used to listen to his songs when I was younger, with Ragnor. He has this amazing collection of old vinyl records.” Magnus grinned and found another song. This was good! Bonding with Robert, that was good. He tapped the screen and Ring of Fire by Johnny Cash started playing. 

And that was the smartest decision Magnus had ever made in his life, because Robert sang along and smiled. Again. Magnus was on a roll. 

“Me and Ragnor used to dance to this all the time, almost every night after dinner. Jerry Lee Lewis, The Beatles, he has a really big collection of music. He would take me to Jazz Clubs all the time, because we both enjoyed the music. I was only 10 at the time.” 

“You and Ragnor must be very close.” Robert said fondly, and Magnus smiled to himself. 

“He's the only family I have.” 

Robert nodded his head. “If you don't mind me asking, where were you born?” 

“Indonesia.” Magnus didn't explain any further. “My mother raised me until she passed away, and Ragnor adopted me soon after.” 

In all honesty, Magnus didn't remember much about that time. He just remembered the music and the cartoons and the fun they used to have. Magnus had only been 8 years old at the time, he couldn't even remember what his life had been like before he was moved to America. But he would always remember the effort Ragnor had put into getting to know Magnus and earning his trust. Even though he was his guardian, he was also his best friend. 

Robert had a smile on his face. His eyes were focused on the road. “I'm really sorry to hear about your mother. And I'm glad you were able to find someone to take care of you.” 

Magnus didn’t know how to answer this, so he kept his gaze on his hands. 

Ragnor had taken care of him. After Magnus lost everything, the man had swept him up and flown him halfway across the world to start a new life. He had tried his very best, with everything he had to make Magnus feel comfortable, and it had taken months to get the small boy to open up. But today, Magnus trusted Ragnor more than anyone else in his life, because of the effort he had put into getting to know him. 

“Especially someone with such a great taste in music.” Robert added, and Magnus was grateful for the change in topics. 

They spent a few minutes talking about the classics, mostly Robert quizzing him about his knowledge. Magnus passed the quiz and was awarded with a burger and a milkshake at the nearest diner. Magnus told him about the time when Ragnor took him to see Stevie Wonder and Robert told him about the time when he finally got Maryse to agree to go on a date with him after he impressed her by dancing to Achy Breaky Heart. 

Magnus looked down and poked at his fries. “Alec did something similar once. I failed a test, so I had a bad day, and my ex-girlfriend was bothering me, so I was extra cranky-”

“Ex-girlfriend? So you aren't...” Robert trailed off, not sure how to say it.

Magnus didn't take any offense. “No. I'm bisexual.” 

Robert nodded his head and sipped his coffee. “I see. So what did Alec do?” 

Magnus smiled. “He put on his cowboy hat and sang Achy Breaky Heart. Loudly.” 

Robert almost choked on his coffee. “My son did that?? Alec?” 

Magnus nodded, and couldn't hold back his own laughter as Robert almost wept from giggling. Magnus thought back to that day, how Alec had waved his hands around dramatically and how his voice had cracked with each word. Even his southern accent had been exaggerated to the point where Magnus felt embarrassed. But he never felt as cared for as he did at that moment, when Alec posed and smiled at him. 

“That's so unlike him. He was always such a serious kid.” Robert said and finished his coffee. 

"He and Izzy sometimes did impromptu concerts for me, Alec playing guitar and Izzy singing. She has a beautiful voice," Magnus said, and Roberts smile softened. 

"Alec always loved her singing. The only reason he bothered with the guitar was to play it for her," Robert commented gently, and a moment passed. 

Alec was a lot like his father, Magnus realised. Their silence spoke louder than their words. It was the look in their eyes that said everything. 

After a while, Robert sighed. "Alec has always been closed off, but when he opens up, it's not to just anyone. He's a good judge of character. Maryse and I always knew that when he started dating, we wouldn't have to worry too much about him," Robert said, and smiled. "He chose well, because his first boyfriend stays when things get rough." 

Magnus's cheeks flushed. 

"It shows how much you care about him," Robert finished, and got up. He then paid for their meal and they walked back to the car. 

Magnus was very surprised by how Robert was taking all of this. His son dating a bisexual man. With Robert being a pastor, Magnus expected the man to be against it. But Robert seemed to accept this completely.

“Sir? If you don't mind me asking... You don't mind? I mean, me dating Alec.” 

Robert sighed and turned to face him. “Love is love, no matter the gender. I know, me being a priest must have scared you a little, but I have never seen Alec this happy as he's been for the past few months.” 

Magnus felt his heart warm up and he smiled. “He's very special to me.” 

“I can see that. And that's all a parent wants for their child.” Robert smiled and he shook his head fondly. “Alec has always been so serious. He puts his siblings first and himself second. He works hard at school and at the farm. He sometimes forgets that he's a teenager and to have fun. But then you came along and… he just lit up. Like a star. If Alec is happy, then that's all that matters.” 

Robert sucked in a breath through his nose and unlocked the doors to the car. They got in and Robert drove to the hotel. 

Magnus didn't say anything, but it was a comfortable silence. He watched the city as they drove, his mind full of images of Alec smiling and laughing. It hurt, not being able to see him smile right now. Not being able to call him just to hear his voice. But Magnus pushed the tears back. He needed to call Cat for more information. 

When they got to the hotel, Magnus grabbed his bag and prepared to exit the car. “Thank you for the burger and the ride. I'll stop by the hospital tomorrow.” 

Robert nodded. “I will let Maryse know. It was nice getting to know you.” Magnus just smiled and exited the car. 

“Hey, Magnus?” 

Magnus turned to Robert before closing the door. 

“Thank you… for loving my son.” 

Magnus stood still, before smiling. “Thank you for raising him.” 

Robert smiled and his eyes watered. They said  their goodbyes and Magnus made his way to his hotel room. He didn't call Cat that night. 


	4. Unbelievable

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Late one night, a stranger offers Magnus some comfort.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was written together with Elle. She inspired this story, and she helped me write it. 
> 
> Hope you like it. :)

Fourteen days since the accident. Two weeks. And Alec was still sleeping. Even though he wasn't really sleeping, Magnus found comfort in thinking he was. He would wonder what Alec was dreaming about. Bright colors, green fields, sunflowers, horses, birds and a bright sun shining down at him. 

Every day was harder than the previous day. But every day, Magnus pushed it away. He knew it wasn't right. But he couldn't break down. Not while Alec’s mother counted on him. Maryse was strong, fierce, caring. But after two weeks of nothing, she looked fragile. Her eyes were always red, like she had been crying, but he never saw her break. 

Magnus couldn't remember his own mother, but he liked the idea of her being as strong as Maryse. He imagined her singing him to sleep as a child, like Maryse was doing right now. She held Alecs hand and her lips moved in a silent song for her sleeping son. It was both heartbreaking and sweet, the melody echoed in his head. He had heard her sing every day since the accident. The doctors said it would help, talking to Alec. But it seemed to be helping her more than Alec. 

Magnus had focused on reading up on what to expect when Alec woke up, instead of talking to him. For the first few days, he had tried, but not seeing Alec smile or react to what he said was… It hurt. It hurt too much. So Magnus stopped. He had gathered a lot of information about PTA, about brain injuries, aphasia and other things related to Alec’s recovery. And he steeled himself of the possibility that Alec may not return to the way he was before the accident. Magnus had to be prepared.

If Alec woke up. 

Magnus always focused on when. When Alec woke up. But what if he didn't? What was he going to do? What if he-

Magnus shook his head. He already took off the hospital gown and gloves, when Maryse arrived. He needed coffee. He grabbed his bag and walked to the cafeteria. 

But what if? What if this was the end? What if Alec never woke up? Would he sleep forever? Would they stop checking on him all day, would his beard grow more, would they put the skull flap back in? Would they pull the plug and let him die?

Magnus swallowed and wiped his eyes. He would not cry. 

He got to the cafeteria and ordered his coffee. The man at the counter brought him his coffee and smiled at him. 

“How’s your day going?” 

Magnus looked up and opened his mouth to give his usual answer of _it's alright_. But he couldn't get the words out. They were stuck in his throat, like a big rock, and his eyes were suddenly burning. His chest tightened and he couldn't breathe. The man stopped smiling and before he could say anything else, Magnus put a five dollar bill on the counter, grabbed the coffee and walked away. 

He might have sobbed, he might have hit someone on the way. His vision was blurred but he kept walking. He knew the way to Alecs room by heart now, he would get there eventually. He had to get there. He had to see his face, even through the glass of the door, it would be enough. 

He barely noticed it when he bumped into someone, but he felt the coffee mug slip from his hand and heard it shatter on the ground. He ignored the pain in his legs when he knelt down to gather the broken pieces. He wiped his eyes with the sleeve of his sweater. But the tears kept coming. It blurred his vision even further, to the point where he couldn't even see his own hands. And he just kept sobbing. He couldn't stop. 

Someone knelt beside him and wrapped their arms around his shoulder. 

“Oh, my dear boy.” He heard someone say, before they started wiping his eyes. He reached up and grabbed the napkin, while the person gathered the rest of the broken mug and wiped the floor clean. Once his vision cleared, he saw that the person was an older woman with a cleaning cart. 

“I'm so sorry for the mess, ma’am.” 

The lady shook her head and helped him up. “Don't worry about it, dear. Let's get you cleaned up and get you some hot chocolate.” 

Magnus nodded and followed her. She took him to a door labelled “Break Room” and put a sign on the door that read “Cleaning in progress”. 

“This is where they keep the good stuff. Don't tell anyone I brought you here.” She said quietly. Magnus smiled a little and nodded. 

She closed the door behind them, and Magnus went to the sink. He splashed cold water on his face and grabbed a towel. He wasn't wearing any makeup, so there wasn't much damage done. She gestured to the table, Magnus sat down and a few minutes later, she placed the most delicious smelling cup of hot chocolate in front of him. The gesture alone touched him a lot. For a stranger to do that for him. 

The lady sat down next to him. "Now tell me what's bothering you, dear." 

Magnus stared at his cup for a moment, wondering where to start. He eventually looked up, and shrugged. “Things are just… wrong.”

The lady smiled a bit, leaning back in her chair. "Well of course they're wrong, dear. We're at a hospital. People don't come here if nothing's wrong. But it also doesn't mean things can't go right."  


Magnus nodded slightly and looked down. He had avoided thinking like this for so long. He wasn't the pessimistic type. He was an optimist to the point of being annoying. Alec never complained though. Alec was the realist in their relationship. Always focused on facts instead of letting his mind float into the sky. But Magnus was able to pull out a dream or two from him, like what he wanted to do with his life. 

  
"I've worked in this hospital for many years. I have seen many sad things. But I have seen much more good things." The lady said, and Magnus fully registered her presence. She was a small, round old lady with kind eyes and a wrinkled smile. Her entire aura screamed grandmother, so Magnus felt very relaxed with her. And her southern accent was adorable.  


"I've seen you with that Lightwood boy. Are you close with him?" She continued, pouring milk into her own mug. 

Magnus wondered what was okay to say at this point. She seemed like a nice lady, but Magnus had trust issues ever since he was a child. Ever since his mother passed away and he was uprooted, and whisked off to a foreign land where no one spoke his language. He had learned the hard way at a very young age, that not every stranger he met was going to be as nice and as caring as Ragnor. 

Opening up to Alec had taken a lot of effort, but it was something he didn't think he would ever regret. And maybe, at this moment, he needed to be open. He already felt like he was going insane, that this whole situation was just a nightmare and that he would wake up to a cute text message from Alec. 

Magnus glanced down to his hot chocolate and turned the mug in his hands. "Yeah... you could say that," he said softly, almost shyly.  


"Boyfriend?" She asked with a sparkle in her eyes. 

Magnus allowed a shy smile to his lips and he nodded. "Yeah... boyfriend."

The lady shook her head and let out a hearty laugh. "Oh, you kids nowadays are so precious." She leaned in. "He's very good looking." She said raising both eyebrows up and down at him. "You got yourself a fine young man."  


Magnus laughed a little and nodded, lifting the mug to take a sip. Damn, the chocolate smelled nice. 

"It's not that you aren't a fine young man yourself. If you didn't have a boyfriend..I would have set you up with my grandson."  


Magnus almost spit out the chocolate he was drinking and put the mug down. The lady just smiled, waving her hand to brush him off.  


"Oh who am I kidding? You're way out of his league. He is cute. But I say that because I'm his grandmother."

  
Magnus was now positive. This woman was the cutest grandmother in the world. "I'm sure he's a wonderful man. With a grandmother like you, he must be very kind.”  


She nodded. "Oh, he is. Very wonderful. He takes care of me. He doesn't know I know he likes men. He isn’t ready. But I've been trying to set him up. Last week I said there was a leak in the kitchen sink and left him alone with the hot plumber.”

“Did it work?” Magnus asked, eyes widened in surprise and wonder.

The old lady chuckled. “Well, they certainly batted their eyes at each other. I think Victor was about to ask him out. But my idiot grandson. Oh bless him. He went all red in the face and said he had to go to work.” She shook her head. “He needs a bit of a push that boy. He's very shy, you see." She told Magnus. “He could use a little confidence. Like you. You’re pretty confident. I can see.” She winked at him. “Got any tips?”

“Sign him up to an online dating site?” Magnus suggested half in jest. 

The old lady let out a loud hearty laugh at his suggestion, clapping her knee. 

Magnus laughed with her and shook his head. "He sounds a lot like Alec... he can be quite shy as well.”  


She laughed. "Well there's hope for my grandson yet. How did you and your Alec meet? I'll tell my grandson about it."

His Alec. That sounded very nice, hearing it from someone other than himself. It made his stomach flutter and he felt as love sick as Ragnor had teased him for being. 

"Online chat room." He answered, gulping down more of the hot chocolate. He grinned when he heard her laugh again.  


"The online dating site thing really works, I see.” She wiggled her eyebrows at him and he smiled. 

"It payed off in the end, yes. I found myself a cowboy. Who turned out to be a rodeo champion as well.” 

“Oh, those rodeo champions can ride.” She winked at him again, teasingly. 

“Indeed they can.” he added with a mischievous grin. 

She let out an exhilarated squeal, clapping her hand to her mouth. “Oh my. You two have been busy.” She grinned, a little blush dusting her cheeks. “So you two must meet up at school a lot? Go out on dates. I know you kids do that."  


He shook his head. "As much as we could. I live in New York, so we took every chance we could to… stay busy.” He said, waving his hand in a flourish. 

  
"Oh. Long distance." She said, looking down with a distant look in her eyes. "I know a thing or two about it. My husband and I lived in different countries for years after we got married. But we always knew we would live together someday. He was the sweetest man. Used to write me a letter every day."  


She looked up and grinned at him. "We didn't have the interweb then. And long distance calls were expensive. My husband shelled out quite a number of dollars for a phone call just to sing me our song on my birthday.” 

Magnus was reminded of Alec singing to him all those weeks ago, when he had failed that test. That was on his top ten favorite moments of his entire life, and the funniest one as well. 

“I bet you and your Alec have done things like those too."

Magnus grinned. "Alec sang Achy Breaky Heart to me after I failed a test. Had his hat on and everything.” 

Similar to Robert, the lady threw her head back and laughed. Alec seemed to have that effect on people. "Oh that is precious. It must have cheered you up."  


"It did. I laughed for days.” He still laughed. He only regretted not recording it. Alec would never have forgiven him, but only if he ever found out. Magnus had a few things up his sleeve, like photos of Alec if he fell asleep mid conversation or when he was lost in thought while listening to Magnus blab about his day.  


"He sounds like a sweet boy, your Alec. Will you tell me about him?" She asked, leaning forward to rest her hands on the table. Magnus twirled his mug before he spoke, and a soft smile grazed his lips.  
  
"Alec is... well, he's honest. He doesn’t like dancing around facts, he tells it the way it is. He's very smart. Top of his class, student council. He's a farm man through and through. He names the cows and talks to them. He wants to study veterinary medicine, to be able to help more around the farm. He puts his family first and himself second. He looks and acts shy, but he can be pretty wild. He knows what he wants. And he wears that stupid hat wherever he goes."  


"You sound like you love that hat." She commented. Magnus adored the hat, from the moment he first saw it. They had made a lot of memories about that hat, some more risky than others.  


"The hat has a lot of meaning to us."

  
"Oh?" Her eyes sparkled with curiosity.  


"He was wearing it when we first met. And he used it to hide us from a friend when he tried to make fun of us for kissing."  


She gave him a look that told him to keep going, leaning back in her chair. 

Magnus felt himself disappear into the memory as he spoke. "Alec’s mother decided to visit New York, with Alec, for his birthday. She wanted to meet me. So me and my friend were waiting for them at the airport. And Alec ran through the gate and it was one of those moments right out of a romantic comedy. The hug, spinning around. Alexander has a thing for romance. So my friend makes a comment about us making a scene and Alexander just looks at him, grabs his hat and covers our faces-”

He raised his hand up to the side of his face to imitate what Alec did. 

"-and then he kissed me."  


The old lady just smiled fondly and let him continue. The story had him almost animated, his eyes sparkling and his hands waving around in their usual flourish.  


"And then his mom goes 'leave them alone. They're being cute' and she has this really heavy southern accent. And Alexander was so embarrassed, he couldn’t stop blushing.” 

  
"It sounds like you two are absolutely smitten. Do you often meet then?" She asked, and the smile left his face. 

  
"No... not often. We met twice." Magnus spoke softly. His brows creasing at the pain in his chest.  


"When was the last time you two saw each other?"  


"Two months ago..." Magnus looked down, his voice now barely a whisper.  


"So you weren't there when he..."  


He shook his head and cleared his throat. "No... I arrived the next day." Magnus fought back the painful memories of that day when Ragnor told him the news.  


She held his hand, squeezing it as Magnus’ tears started to roll again. 

Magnus sniffled. "I always wanted to come here. To visit him. I even started saving up for it. But..." He trailed off. His voice was caught in his throat.  


“But this happened?"

"Yeah." Magnus said. It was all he could say. His eyes welled up and tears started to roll again. His chest tightening.  


She wiped his tears with her knuckle.  


"I haven’t seen him in two months. I don’t even remember what it’s like to have his arms around me." Magnus sobbed. It was becoming difficult to breathe, and to talk. He looked up at her, eyes pleading. Like she would be able to do something. “I need him to be here. I can’t lose him.” He shook his head and his voice cracked and he cried. "I just… I just need him to tell me it’s going to be okay. I don’t know what to do.” He shook his head again, running his fingers through his hair. “We don’t even know if he's going to wake up and I’m reading about all these things to be ready but everything is just... painful." He blinked away more tears, sobbing his words out.  


She rubbed soothing circles on his back, pulling him close then she told him. "I know it can be difficult. I have seen many like you. Like him. He will push through. And so will you.” She looked him in the eyes. “With all the unhappy things happening. Now's the time to be strong. For him. Focus on the happy memories, dear. Positive thoughts. Like that story you told me about the hat. And his song. It will help." She smiled at him warmly. It was comforting.  


"You love him don't you? I can tell.” She said, a genuine look on her face. “He's very lucky to have you. For you to be staying with him through this time. Stay strong dear. You will get your Alec back."  


Magnus nodded once, and the older woman pulled him into an embrace that somehow comforted him. And finally, finally, Magnus allowed himself to break. 

* * *

  


Magnus walked back to the ICU thinking about what the lady had said. He only just realised he didn't even ask her name. But he was thankful he got to talk to someone. Even if that someone was a stranger. Happy memories with Alec. He had a lot of those. And he was going to focus on them, if he was going to get through this. He needed to be strong. For Maryse and Robert, and Alec’s siblings. But most of all, he needed to be strong for Alec. When Alec wakes up, Magnus is going to be there. They will get through this, through thick and thin, together.

As he walked to Alec’s room, a nurse stopped him in the corridor, explaining that visiting hours had ended. He nodded and asked if he could have five minutes to say good night. The nurse nodded and helped him put on the protective gear, and opened the door for him. 

It was like he was seeing Alec for the first time. Magnus took a moment to memorize what he saw. Alec still had a bandage over his head, but Magnus could see where his skull dipped slightly because of the skull flap being gone. Alec’s face was pale, his eyes were closed, the oxygen mask covered most of his face but he could see that Alec’s lips were chapped and pink. The covers were pulled up to his chest and his hands were lying limp on either side of his body. 

Magnus took his usual seat next to Alecs bed but this time, he leaned forward and took his hand. 

“I'm sorry, Alec. I haven’t been dealing with all of this the way I should have. I've been so busy trying to get ready for when you wake up, that I forgot to remember you.” 

Magnus smiled slightly and brought Alec’s hand to his lips. 

“Remember that day? When you kissed me under the tree in Central Park? I was so nervous, but you seemed so sure of yourself, like you really wanted me.” 

Magnus felt the familiar burn in his throat, but he didn't push it away. Instead, he closed his eyes and sniffled. “One of the things I love most about you, is the way you look at me. Even through the computer screen, you always looked at me like I was the most wonderful thing in the world, and I knew things were going to be alright.” Magnus laughed quietly to himself. "Those hazel eyes of yours express everything you feel." 

Magnus opened his eyes but kept his gaze on Alec’s hand. The steady beep of the monitor seemed so loud in his ears. He wondered if Alec could hear it. If he could hear Magnus speaking. 

“I need you to wake up and look at me like that again… please?” 

Magnus jolted as he felt Alec's hand twitch. He raised his head and looked at Alec. 

And those hazel eyes were staring right at him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SargentCow on tumblr, if you want to chat :) 
> 
> Thank you for reading


	5. Unconditional

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A mothers love is the strongest and truest kind of love. 
> 
> Or a little window into how Maryse is doing, and how the nurses at the hospital care for both the patient and their families.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you like it

Maryse Lightwood was not an ordinary woman. She grew up in a big city, class valedictorian, excelled in sports, active in the community, and graduated summa cum laude in Business management. She had a promising career in business. Yet she chose to follow her husband, a reverend and a farmer and live the simple life in a small town. Many of her family were disappointed with her decision.

It was an adjustment, coming from the busy fast-paced life in the city to the more laid back pace of the farm. But the work was equally hard. She was resilient. She adapted. She was not going to deny that it was difficult. Because it was. And there were times when she questioned herself, and her decision.

All of those doubts faded away, when she found out she was pregnant for the first time. And when she held that healthy baby boy in her arms, she knew. She made the right decision. Hers and Robert’s lives were going to be different. And it was going to be great. They were blessed with an angel, and they named him Alexander.

As with any new parent – a new mother - Maryse was a bundle of nerves. She worried every time he cried. Every little hiccup, and cough. Every coo, every babble and every smile was precious. All she had wanted to do was protect him. She had made sure to be there for him and watch over him. With every first step, first tooth, first word, first day in school. She worried over every scraped knee, or a cut finger or a bump in the head.

It didn’t help that Alec was an adventurous child. He was quiet, and responsible but curious nonetheless. She took every great care to make sure he learned through experience, to patch up every cut, endure every bleeding nose if it ever came to it. She had taught him to be tough. Some cuts and bruises were necessary. But always, always she had protected him. She made sure he knew he was loved.

So here was her anguish, the despair in her heart as her son lay on the hospital bed, asleep for weeks and fighting for his life, not knowing when he will wake. She had been there to help him up when he fell. Every day of his life she was there. And now she felt defeated, and helpless, not knowing what to do to aid him.

Maryse hadn't slept well since the accident. Not really. What if he woke up and she wasn’t there? What if he took a turn for the worse? She didn’t want to think of the possibility of losing her son. She was a fighter, and she knew that Alec was one, too. He would get through this.

“Mrs Lightwood?” A soft voice called her. “Maryse?” She felt a light shake on her shoulder and she opened her eyes, bleary and adjusting to the light in the room. She was greeted by a nurse’s kind face. “When was the last time you slept on a bed?”

Maryse shook her head. “I’m fine.” She sat up, blinking a few times to wake herself up, fighting to keep her eyes open.

The nurse shook her head. “No you’re not.” She said concerned. “You need proper sleep.” 

“I just need…” 

“Mrs Lightwood.” The nurse said again her voice stern and strict. It reminded Maryse of her own mother. Strict but caring. “It is my duty to take care of your son. And part of it is taking care of you. And ensure that you have proper rest.” She pulled Maryse up. “You need to go back to your hotel and sleep. You can come back tomorrow. We will call you if anything changes before then.”

At the back of her mind, Maryse knew the nurse was right. She was exhausted. She needed sleep. She looked at Alec again, her eyebrows knit as she contemplated. This internal battle was difficult. A mother’s instinct is always to protect her children. She just wanted to wrap Alec up in her arms until he woke up. But she knew that rest was also important. If she got sick, then who would take care of Alec, of her other children, of Robert?

Maryse looked at the nurse and nodded. “You will call me?”

“You are on speed dial.” The nurse assured her. “And…” She looked to her side. Magnus was standing by the door. “What say we let Magnus take this shift for now, yeah? You go and get some rest.”

Maryse smiled at Magnus, who was standing by the doorway of the changing room to the ICU. He had already gowned up. Magnus and Alec had not known each other for that long. But she could see the love the former had for her son. She was grateful that he had been there for support. For her and the whole family as much as it was for Alec.

She had seen his dedication, always reading up on Alec’s condition and wanting to know how he could help Alec when he wakes up. He was always writing in his notebook, researching about rehabilitation after brain injuries. He had told her he had wanted to know how to help Alec with his recovery. Maryse supposed it was his way of coping. She had admired how positive he had remained over the whole ordeal. 

Maryse walked over to Alec, touching his face, his cheek. He didn’t stir. He was always a light sleeper, even when he was a baby. Every time, she expected him to open his eyes and complain not to disturb his sleep. She would give anything for him to wake up upon her entering the room and ask for five more minutes of sleep. Generally, Alec was always on-the-go. Waking up early and always ready to do his chores. But on Sundays, before they all got ready for church, he wanted what he called a lie-in. The five extra minutes of sleep for that day was one of the few indulgences he would ask for.

_Hush a bye, don't you cry_

_Go to sleep my little baby_

_When you wake, you shall have_

_All the pretty little horses_

“One more song?” Maryse asked, silent tears falling. “You always loved my songs.” She said wiping her tears that dripped on Alec’s cheek. “It’s always ‘one more song, momma. One more.’ And you refused to go to sleep.” She sniffed. “If I don't sing another song, will you wake up this time? Will you wake up and ask for one more?” She paused. Waited. Alec didn't move. Maryse’s heart broke once again. She sniffed and forced a smile. “Okay, my baby boy. Mommy will sing you another song for now.” She wiped her tears. “But next time you have to wake up, okay?”

Maryse started again. A gentle hum at first. Her lip and her voice quivered but she fought to keep it steady.

Way down yonder, in the meadow,  
Poor little baby cryin, "mama";   
Birds and the butterflies flutter ‘round his eyes,   
Poor little baby cryin' "mama".   
  
Hush-a-bye, don't you cry, go to sleep my little baby.   
When you wake you shall have all the pretty little horses.   
Dapples and greys, pintos and bays, all the pretty little horses.

“Goodnight, little Alec.” Maryse kissed his forehead then squeezed his hand. “Mommy will be back soon.”

She walked out of the ICU, taking the gown and gloves off. Magnus was at the changing area waiting for her. 

“That was a beautiful song.” Magnus said as he watched her walk over to the sink to wash her hands. He had his gown on, notebook in hand. Save for the gloves. 

“You have a wonderful voice. I, uh, was kind of -” He pointed to the room as if she was still there. “I heard you sing. And I couldn’t help but listen in.” He gave her a soft smile, eyes apologetic.

“It’s alright. And thank you.” Maryse gave him a soft smile. It was more a lip purse, the sides barely moving. “It was Alec’s favourite.” She said, eyes downcast, her smile widening at the memory. “We just got new ponies at the farm. When we were still starting out. And he absolutely loved them. It was ponies this and ponies that.” She crossed her arms to her chest. It was like a way to keep that happy memory close to her. “He wouldn't go to sleep at night. He wanted to sleep in the stables with them.” Maryse chuckled at the memory. Magnus joining her. “So I started singing him that song. To assure him that the horses will be there when he wakes up.”

“Did you compose it? The song.” Magnus asked curiously.

Maryse shook her head. “Oh no, dear.” She smiled at him. “I’m not that talented.” She sighed. “It’s by Peter, Paul and Mary. Old folk band. They had great songs.”

“I’ll look into their music sometime.” Magnus said smiling at her. “I’m always keen to broaden my musical repertoire.”

Maryse just nodded. They both looked at each other warmly. Each giving their support to each other with just that exchange. 

“You go and have some rest. I’ll make sure he doesn't go anywhere.” Magnus kidded. They both laughed. It was bittersweet, but somehow it made this dire situation lighter. They were both trying to bring something positive to it. For Alec, and for each other. 

It still took Maryse another forty-five minutes before she actually left the hospital and back to the hotel. First she made sure to talk to the doctors to get an update. And then she made sure Magnus was well-settled. He was someone special to Alec. And by all that she held dear, she was going to make sure he was alright. Her motherly instincts were always present and she would dote on him like she did her own children. 

She had made sure Magnus had money to buy food, made sure he had eaten. Even if she herself hadn’t. And she requested an extra blanket for him for when he sat with Alec in the room. Sometimes it got a bit cold in the ICU.

Finally, the charge nurse practically walked her out the door and into a cab. It was the only way they could make sure she actually left the hospital premises. 


	6. Unwavering

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maryse remembers an important talk she had with Alec, plus some Izzy and Jace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sensitive topic up ahead, so please be careful. Alec's coming out wasn't planned. I asked someone else to help me with that scene, so I could do it as carefully as possible. I hope its okay. 
> 
> Also, what is Jace hiding? Let me know what you think! I hope you like it!

Maryse did not realise how exhausted she was until she arrived at the hotel. The bed looked so inviting as soon as she saw it. She kicked off her shoes, dropped her bag and her jacket on the floor and dove straight for the bed, face down and burying her face in a pillow. She closed her eyes, and tried to fall asleep, but she couldn’t stop thinking about so many things. When Alec had the accident, she had dropped everything and went with him to the hospital. She hasn’t really had time to sort out so many of her own affairs.

Her brain kept making up lists of what she needed to do. Firstly, she needed to talk to the neurologist about Alec. And she needed to give something to Ragnor and Magnus for all of their help. There were bills for the farm that needed sorting out. There was a bake sale on the coming weekend to raise funds for Izzy’s cheerleading team. She and Izzy were on the committee. She needed to call their neighbour to ask if they can take over instead. She needed to go with Jace to buy a suit for the dance.

And she just remembered Max was supposed to submit a school project. She had to make sure to remind Robert about it and make sure that Jace or Izzy helped him with it. Had Alec not had this accident, she was sure he would have been the one doing it.

No parent ever wanted any harm to come to their child. They would fight tooth and nail, and go to the ends of the earth, just to keep them out of harm’s way. Why did this happen to him? If she could trade places with him, she would. But alas, it wasn’t how it was.

So she tried so hard to take care of him, to keep him protected, to teach him to be independent. He grew up to be a good, caring, compassionate young man. And every day he had made her and Robert proud with the things he has done, not just for his siblings, or his grandparents but also for their community.

All that time he had been doing things for others, he had kept what made him happy all to himself. He hid who he was all because he was afraid that he was going to be judged. Maryse couldn’t blame him. The world can be cruel to those who were deemed different, or taboo. But what hurt her then was that he was so afraid to even tell her. She was his mother, and he feared that she would scorn him. Just because of who he chose to love. At the time, Maryse felt that she had failed him as a mother. 

_It was a sunny day. Maryse had just returned from town after her errand to the bank. They_ _had_ _just bought another herd of dairy cows to add to the farm and she needed to sort out their loan. This would triple their farm’s milk production. There were some important documents that she needed to send to the company they sold the milk to and it was then that her computer decided to act up._

_It was quite old. Max kept telling her it was going to die soon. They had planned to buy a new one. She looked at the clock, she_ _could_ _still drive to town and get a new one. But she changed her mind. With her kids still at school, she didn’t want to risk going to the store alone. She’d likely buy a crappy one and not hear the end of it from Max. She had chuckled at herself that her children, especially her youngest, was so much more technologically savvy than her. Wasn’t she the adult? Wasn’t she supposed to know everything?_

_She climbed up the stairs to Alec’s room. Because out of her four children, his room was the only one she could stand not to tidy up. She didn’t need to. Alec had always kept his room clean and organised. Every time Maryse entered her other children’s rooms, she felt the compulsive need to clean up. Especially Max’s room. His room always looked like a tornado had come through. Jace’s room was always tidy. But Maryse knew he was particular about people - even her - moving his things. He liked to clean it in his own way. Izzy’s was tolerable, save for the odd shoe or three lying around. There was no time for distractions at the moment, Maryse needed to send those documents._

_The computer was already on. Maryse moved the mouse and the screen lit up. She minimised the document of what looked to be Alec’s book report. She was tempted to read through it, like she always did when he was younger. But he had outgrown her checking and double checking his homework. Besides, he was in the running to be Class Valedictorian and having the highest GPA in his school’s history. He did not and does not need help from his mother with his homework._

_Maryse clicked on the internet icon and waited for the window to open. And then it happened. A tiny box on the right side of the screen had appeared one after the other._

_(3) - Private Messages from DJWarlock_

_DJWarlock: Hello, my darling Alexander. I missed you today. *kiss*_

_DJWarlock: Let me know when you’re home. I have news. And I miss you so much._

_DJWarlock: <3 <3 <3 _

_Her eyes focused on the picture beside the name. It was clear to see. She would know that face, that smile anywhere. Alec’s face was dusted red but he had a wide, satisfied smile on his face. And beside him was another boy, kissing Alec's cheek. He was wearing Alec's hat. Alec never lets anyone wear that hat._

_Maryse paced back and forth across Alec’s bedroom, rubbing her thumbs to her palms, or straightening her dress. She didn’t mean to look. She didn’t mean to read what she read. She had not meant to invade her son’s privacy. But she has seen it, seen them. The messages. The boy. Her eyes saw the words. She sat down on Alec’s bed and then stood up again. She did this several times._

_She can’t hide it from Alec. She needed to talk to her son. But how does she bring it up? How will she get him to open up without forcing him? She wanted him to tell her on his own. She didn’t want to break his trust. But she may have done, without meaning to._

_Another message popped up again and she closed her eyes. Waited for it to disappear from the screen. If she turned it off right now, then she won’t be tempted to read it. She won’t accidentally see what are supposed to be loving messages to his son from his … She’s not even sure._

_Maryse sat down on the computer chair and grabbed hold of the mouse, ready to close and shut down everything. She will not confront him. Alec will tell her on his own time. And she will wait patiently._

_“Mom?” Alec’s voice bellowed from behind her. He had just gotten back home from school. She turned around. Her embarrassed and guilt-ridden face met Alec’s. His face was pale. Full of fear, terror and panic, like his whole world had just come crashing down._

_“Alec, I…” Maryse started to explain when another pop from the computer came up to indicate that a new message had arrived. It was from the same person._

_It took one and a half strides for Alec to reach his desk and yank the plug from the wall, shutting down the computer altogether. All his work on his book report had probably been lost. But he didn’t seem to care. He could always write it again. Maryse could see, he just wanted to keep those messages private. Those were supposed to be only for his eyes. No one else’s. And Maryse had violated it._

_Alec couldn’t look her in the eye. He kept his head bowed, his gaze away from hers. His hands shook, and his breathing became more ragged. He was on the verge of tears, and he fought hard to hold them back._

_Maryse could see the fear, the trepidation rearing around in his mind. This was it. She knew his secret. He probably feared that soon it was going to be his father, his siblings, his community who will know. And he was going to be shunned._

_It hurt her to see how embattled he looked. He never wanted to disappoint her and Robert. He was a good, responsible, dutiful first born. He was a good son, a good brother._

_Maryse stood up, the computer chair squeaking faintly at the loss of her weight. She closed the door and leaned on it. She watched as Alec kept his head bowed still. He would not look at her. Maryse could only imagine what was going on in his head. She was aware of the nasty things that were on the news, the internet, the world. What was that word she read, that so called extremists used to describe people like Alec? Abominations. Maryse bit her lip in anger at the thought._

_A tear rolled down Alec’s cheek as he stared into space - still shocked. He wiped it off with the back of his hand. She has never seen her son cry like this. Silently. Not even any sobs or hiccups. No sounds. The tears just flowed. It pained her to see him like this._

_A few more tears fell before Alec wiped them away with his hands and he stood up, dropping the computer plug still clutched tight in his fist. Maryse’s heart broke at the look of genuine surprise on his face when he saw her still standing there. Like he hadn’t expected her to stay._

_He stepped back, cringing and curling up in fear when she approached him. Alec was almost six-foot tall, but now, the way he folded himself, his shoulders slouched, curled up, making himself look so small and insignificant. She wrapped her arms around him into an embrace even if he tried to move away._

_How had it come to this? How had her son gotten to the point of physically shunning her touch for fear that she was disgusted with him? Has he been living with this fear, this shame all his life? Since when has he been hiding his pain like this? Why didn’t she see?_

_Alec had started to cry as she held him in her arms. “Ssshhhhhh…” She lulled, rubbing soothing circles on his back, just like she used to when he was younger. It always calmed him down. Ever since he was a baby, when he was getting fidgety, this always seemed to soothe him. She hummed softly, a gentle lullaby._

_“I’m sorry, Mom. I’m sorry.” Alec said in between sobs. Maryse’s chest tightened at his anguish. She shook her head._

_Maryse lifted his chin up to make him look at her, then she cupped his cheeks with both hands. “Hey, hey. Look at me.” She said when he averted her gaze. “My boy, look at me.” Alec looked up at her, terror and dread still in his eyes. “Don’t be sorry. You have done nothing wrong. You should not be sorry. Never ever be sorry. Not for this. Not for being you.”_

_“But, mom. Don’t you hate me? I’m… I’m gay.” Alec said the word, with fear. Like he was going to get persecuted, punished just for saying it out loud._

_Maryse was a woman of faith, she never hated. She never cursed. But at the moment, she felt an overwhelming anger at all those people who had perpetuated hate against LGBTQ+ community, all those people who had made them feel that they were not worthy of being loved._

_How dare they make her son feel like he was nothing? Like there was something wrong with him. He was a good person, better than any of them. Yet they, whoever they are, had hurt her son. Her heart broke, her blood boiled. But she pushed it away. This was not about her. This was about Alec. And gay, bi, straight, pansexual or whatever. She loved him, loves him, will still love him no matter what. There was no question to it. She loved him unconditionally. Because he is her son. Most of all, she is his mother._

_“I love you, Alec.” Maryse made sure to emphasise each word, made sure he saw it, made sure he believed it, because she meant each and every one of those words. “You are MY son. I LOVE YOU. No matter who it is you love. I love you for being you. And you should never be afraid to be who you are. Never hide who you are, not from me.” She wiped his tears away, and planted a kiss on each eye before kissing his forehead. She hugged him again, rocking him slowly._

_Alec clutched at her arm tight, his nails digging into her skin as he continued sobbing. Maryse held him until he had calmed down. Maryse had briefly gone downstairs and returned with a hot cup of coffee. Alec didn’t drink tea._

_He was sat on the floor by his bed, hugging his knees tight. Maryse sat beside him, folding both her legs to one side. She watched him take a sip of his drink. And then another. If he wasn’t ready to talk then she would wait. She was there to listen._

_“His name is Magnus. Magnus Bane.” Alec said, a small smile tugged at the side of his lips when he said the name. He tried to hide it but Maryse saw. The very mention of this boy’s name brought a smile to her son’s lips. She liked him already._

_“He's in college. A year older.” Alec peeked up to see how she would react about him dating an ‘older’ man. Maryse smiled, nodded as a sign for him to continue. “He likes music a lot. He DJs and mixes all these great tunes. Even the old ones. And the really obscure ones that I like that_ _neither_ _you nor dad nor anyone have ever even heard about.” Alec had shifted now to face her fully, his voice picking up energy._

_Maryse barely understood some of the words he had used. She wasn't fluent in teenager speak. To be honest, she didn't think Alec was fluent in teenager speak. But it seems he has learned a lot from his boyfriend. His boyfriend. Maryse smiled at the thought. Alec has not said it out loud - has not labelled his relationship with this Magnus, at least not to her - but she knew this feeling. She remembered this feeling. Young love. It was heaven._

_“And mom, he wears makeup. Like Izzy. And he’s so beautiful. And funny.” Alec beamed._

_It warmed Maryse’s heart to see him like this. She could tell that he was just bursting to tell her about Magnus. She wondered if he has been keeping these stories about this boy all to himself. His excitement and energy was just bursting, gushing through. Even she felt how wonderful this Magnus person is, through Alec’s eyes._

_“It sounds like we need to invite Magnus over for dinner some time. So we can meet him.” Maryse suggested._

_Alec looked at her with wide eyes. “You want to meet him? What about dad? Dad doesn’t know that I’m…”_

_Maryse took Alec’s hand in hers, looking at him in the eyes. “Of course I want to meet him. He is special to you, important to you.” She smiled. “And don’t worry about your father. He will support you, too. Always know that we accept you, and love you for who you are. And that includes the person that you choose to love.”_

_“Love? What? No.” Alec blushed, shook his head, his face reddened like beetroot.” I mean, I… it’s. I… he’s…”_

_Maryse laughed loudly at her son’s reaction, her shoulders shaking. Oh she had so much to talk to him about being in love. He was smitten. So totally in love. Even if he didn’t know it yet. “It’s alright, Alec.” She patted his hand twice in reassurance. “Maybe just invite him for dinner first. And we’ll talk about that ‘L’ word later.”_

_Alec stopped blushing. He looked down, and his smile dropped. “I wish I could invite him to dinner. But that can’t happen anyway.”_

_Maryse’s brows knit in confusion. What did Alec mean? Maybe Magnus was afraid to meet her and Robert? Perhaps, like Alec, he wasn’t out? Or that meeting parents might be too soon for their young relationship? “If Magnus is not out, then we will keep it casual. Like you’re just inviting a friend over. Our home is a safe place.”_

_Alec shook his head, pursing his lips. “It’s not that.” He said, sadness in his eyes._

_“Then what is it?”_

_Alec rubbed his thumb and middle finger together. “He lives in another state. He’s in New York City.”_

_“Oh.” Maryse shifted so that her back was not fully against the foot of the bed. Now this was a development she was not expecting. Although that explained why she hasn’t heard of his name. Their town was small, and with Robert being a reverend, they knew most of the residents. Whether or not they were part of their congregation. When Alec told her about him, she figured Magnus might have been a student attending university the next town over. It turned out that he was much farther than that._

_Maryse sighed and patted Alec’s knee. “Well,” she said, with energy in her voice. “I guess, at some point, we’re going to have to make a trip to the Big Apple. Sooner rather than later.”_

_Alec’s eyes grew wide, smiling from ear to ear. He suddenly pulled her into a hug, so fast that her chest made a thud when it hit his. The last time he hugged her like this, he was seven. And then he realised he was a big boy. Not to mention, he became a teenager. The hugs stopped. Or at least kept to a minimum. This was not one of those times._

_“Woah, okay!” She chuckled. “I think you like that plan.”_

_Alec nodded. “Thanks, mom.” Maryse felt his hug tighten._

_She hugged him tighter, too. “Anything for you, my dear boy.” She said kissing his hair, smiling. “Anything.” She kissed his hair again._

_“I love you, mom.”_

_“I love you.”_

A telephone rang in the distance. Maryse held Alec tight. His words resonating in her head. The telephone rang again. The sound was loud, but it was detached. The source was nowhere in Alec’s room.

It rang again. 

Maryse opened her eyes, letting out a tiny gasp. Her eyes came into focus. She saw the cream-colored ceiling of the hotel room. When had she fallen asleep? The sound of her phone made her look to the nightstand. It was the hospital. She hasn’t seen the caller’s name yet but she already knew.

She sat up quickly and reached for her phone. It was the hospital calling. This was about Alec. 

Her heart raced. She didn’t give herself time to think what the call was about.

“Hello?” She answered.

“He’s awake.” It was Magnus’ voice. “Maryse, Alec is awake.”

Maryse froze. She tried to process those words. He’s awake. Her boy is awake. Alec is awake. No words had ever sounded more beautiful in her ears than those three words.

“I’ll be there soon.” She said and hung up.

Maryse found herself unable to move at first. So she sat there for five minutes, phone clutched in her hand. The past few weeks have been so tense, so grim. This was the first piece of good news she has received. And at first she didn’t know what to do with it. 

_“I love you, mom.”_

Alec’s voice rang in her head again. Remembering her dream. No. It was a memory. A beautiful memory.

“I love you, too, Alec.” Maryse said smiling. “I’ll see you soon.”

* * *

The cab ride to the hospital from the hotel was agony. It was one of those times when Maryse wished she had magical powers to transport herself to another place like those wizards from Max’s books. The cab had barely even stopped at the drop off area in front of the hospital and Maryse already had the door open, her foot almost on the pavement. She felt rude just throwing the money at the cab driver, not even waiting for change. She knew she gave him way more than what was in the metre.

But Alec was awake. And he was waiting. She needed to see him as soon as possible and not a minute longer. 

“I’m on my way, Alec. I’ll be there soon.” She whispered to herself while on the elevator, watching the numbers go up, up, up to the floor where the ICU was located. The elevator dinged, and she squeezed through, not even waiting for the doors to fully open. Maryse practically ran. She could have beaten Usain Bolt. She gowned up as quickly as possible. And strode into the ICU.

She stopped at the foot of the bed, staring at Alec who now looked right at her. She had missed seeing his beautiful hazel eyes. Maryse stepped forward and stood by his bed. He looked at her. He didn’t say anything. He didn’t even smile, didn’t frown. That’s alright. One step at a time. She couldn’t say anything either, anyway.

Maryse patted his head gently, smiling at him. “Hello.” She said, a smile on her lips but her eyes teared up. It was the first word she said to him when he was born, after the nurse had handed him over to her. 

“Hello, Alec. Mommy’s here.” She whispered. A tear fell from Alec’s eyes. But his expression didn't change. He blinked and stared at her. “Did you have a good sleep?” She asked. He didn’t answer, he just looked. It wasn’t a blank stare, but it didn't have any expression either.

Maryse kissed his forehead. “That’s okay.” She took his hand in hers. “You’re still my brave boy.”

Alec looked at her. He blinked once. And then closed his eyes again. He’d fallen back to sleep.

Maryse squeezed his hand and pursed her lips but she couldn’t stop her tears. Alec woke up. Alec was awake. Alec is awake. That was a good sign. It was a first step. 

As she left Alec's room, she saw Magnus pacing by the door. There were tears in his eyes. Carefully, she stepped closer to him, and put her hand on his shoulder. He looked at her, struggling to find words it seemed. She just smiled at him, and his lower lip trembled. 

And he wrapped his arms around her waist, and cried. Maryse let her own tears fall silently, rubbing his back soothingly like she did with her own children. 

"It's okay. I'm here," she whispered as he trembled in her arms. 

She noticed the nurses in the corner of her eyes, smiling at them. She turned her head and smiled back at them, nodding her head. 

"Thank you." 

* * *

Izzy sighed and sat up in her bed. Another restless night. Proper sleep was a concept she barely knew anymore. Glancing at her phone, she saw that it was five a.m. 

Alec would usually be up at this time. She heard the front door close downstairs and sighed again. That was probably Jace, going to feed the animals. He had taken over Alec’s chores ever since the accident. Izzy was pretty sure he didn't sleep at all. She got up and got dressed, and made her way down to the kitchen. 

As much as she tried not to, she could almost picture Alec at the stove, either on the phone or humming to himself while frying eggs and bacon. A large breakfast is the best way to start the day, he always said. 

Shaking her head, she opened the fridge and started getting breakfast ready. 

Soon enough, her grandparents appeared, her grandfather joining Jace outside while her grandmother helped her with breakfast. Max soon joined them, sitting at the table silently with his comic book. 

There was so much silence. She still remembered the day of the accident, she was out with her friends shopping when her father had called her. He traveled back and forth from Montgomery and Greenville, a 30 minute drive, three times a week, to check on the farm and the church. And every time, he had no news. It annoyed Izzy that she wasn't even allowed to visit Alec, when he needed her. But her father had told her, Max needed her, too. So she did what she could. 

It still made her stomach twist with worry, knowing that Alec was very much not okay and so far away, knowing there was nothing she could do to help him. As much as he helped her, both with school and threatening to run her ex-boyfriend over with the tractor (Jace had to stop him by force. But Meliorn got what he deserved the next day when Alec broke his nose). Izzy wanted to be there for him. But she couldn't tell Max bedtime stories like Alec did. She couldn't get Jace to open up when he was brooding. She couldn't cook breakfast like he did. 

She glanced down at the pan, frowning. How could Alec make the eggs so fluffy and delicious? She loaded the mess onto a plate and brought them to Max, who made a face. “What is that?” 

“Eggs. Eat up.” Izzy answered and sat down next to him. Her grandmother smiled at her. 

Max shrugged and started poking at the eggs. “Alec makes the eggs better.” 

Izzy sighed heavily. Her irritation and frustration got the best of her and she slammed her hand onto the table. “Alec isn't here, Max. He’s…” She felt bad for her outburst, but every single morning, it was the same. Alec does this and Alec does that. Max was still poking at the eggs, clearly not intending to eat them. 

“Forget it.” Izzy got up and grabbed the plate. She felt extreme resentment to the plate in her hands, and she dumped it into the sink. She then stormed out of the kitchen, and out the front door. She needed air. 

Ever since the accident two weeks ago, everything went wrong. They barely slept, they did not attend school. The town was supportive, and they were grateful, but it was too much. At every corner, there was a person watching them with pity. 

_“I'm so sorry to hear about your brother.”_

_“I'm here if you want to talk.”_

_“I remember when Alec was a small boy. He was so happy.”_

_“Such a shame, for something so tragic to happen to such a kind soul.”_

The support meant everything, it really did. The church had started fundraising for the hospital bill and offered a helping hand with the farm. But in the end, she had broken down in the middle of the town and hadn't returned after that. 

In the distance, she saw her father’s truck driving to the house. Another useless visit with no news of Alec. She sat down on the porch and closed her eyes. Waiting until the truck stopped and her father walked up to her. 

“I'm not in the mood, dad. Jace is with the horses, go talk to him instead.” 

“Izzy?” he said, and she looked up. He sounded happy. She stared at him for a moment, and he smiled, kneeling down in front of her. He took her hands. “He’s waking up.” 

It took her awhile to process what he had said, tears gathering in her eyes.”He's waking up? What does that mean?” 

Robert blinked back his own tears. “He opened his eyes. And he’s responding.” 

Izzy watched him for a moment, to see if he was trying to fool her. Tears ran down her cheeks and Robert pulled her close for a hug. 

Finally. Finally there were good news. 

She saw Jace standing by the barn, with a strange look on his face. He was fighting tears, he was exhausted, and there was a hint of guilt in his gaze. He was hiding something. And she needed to know what he was hiding. 


	7. Extra

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A quick summary of Alec's condition at this point

Hey! Just a quick update on Alec's condition. I see a lot of people worried about amnesia and how it will be, so here is some explaining. 

So, as Alec is in a coma, it means that his brain is essentially "asleep". There's activity, but not as much. So in a way, he is sleeping. When the brain wakes up, it takes longer than the body. So him opening his eyes means that there's a signal that something is happening. 

This is why motor control and speech can be difficult. The injury to his brain is healing, and the brain is relearning things. Kinda like when you break your leg and need to train your muscles again. 

I may not be right by explaining it like this, as I am not a doctor, but this was explained to me by a doctor and this is how I understood it. Please let me know if I am wrong, and I will fix it, because I want this to be as accurate as possible. 

In crude terms, Alec broke his brain, so his coma is like his cast. Now the injury is healing, and the cast can come off. And now its rehabilitation time. 

About the amnesia thing, here is a snippet from my research for this fic. 

_There are two main types of amnesia:[anterograde amnesia](http://www.human-memory.net/disorders_anterograde.html) (where the ability to memorize **new** things is impaired or lost because data does not transfer successfully from the conscious [short-term memory](http://www.human-memory.net/types_short.html) into permanent [long-term memory](http://www.human-memory.net/types_long.html)); and [retrograde amnesia](http://www.human-memory.net/disorders_retrograde.html) (where a person's **pre-existing** memories are lost to conscious recollection, beyond an ordinary degree of forgetfulness, even though they may be able to memorize new things that occur after the onset of amnesia). [Anterograde amnesia](http://www.human-memory.net/disorders_anterograde.html) is the more common of the two. Sometimes both these types of amnesia may occur together, sometimes called **total** or **global amnesia**. Another type of amnesia is [post-traumatic amnesia](http://www.human-memory.net/disorders_traumatic.html), a state of confusion and memory loss that occurs after a **traumatic brain injury**. Amnesia which occurs due to **psychological factors** is usually referred to as [psychogenic amnesia](http://www.human-memory.net/disorders_psychogenic.html)._  
  
---  
  
_**Post-traumatic amnesia** is a state of confusion or memory loss that occurs immediately following a **[traumatic brain injury](http://www.tbi.org/what-is-tbi/what-is-a-traumatic-brain-injury.html)**. The injured person is disoriented and unable to remember events that occur after the injury, and may be unable to state their name, where they are, and what time it is, etc._

_The[amnesia](http://www.human-memory.net/disorders_amnesia.html) resulting from a trauma may be [retrograde amnesia](http://www.human-memory.net/disorders_retrograde.html) (loss of memories that were formed shortly before the injury, particularly where there is damage to the **frontal** or **anterior temporal regions** ) or [anterograde amnesia](http://www.human-memory.net/disorders_anterograde.html) (problems with creating new memories after the injury has taken place), or both. In some cases, [anterograde amnesia](http://www.human-memory.net/disorders_anterograde.html) may not develop until several hours after the injury._

_Post-traumatic amnesia may be either short term, or longer lasting (often over a month - see box at right), but is hardly ever permanent. When continuous memory returns, the person can usually function normally.[Retrograde amnesia](http://www.human-memory.net/disorders_retrograde.html) sufferers may partially regain memory later, but memories are never regained with [anterograde amnesia](http://www.human-memory.net/disorders_anterograde.html) because they were not [encoded](http://www.human-memory.net/processes_encoding.html) properly._

_Memories from just before the trauma are often completely lost, partly due to the **psychological repression** of unpleasant memories ([psychogenic amnesia](http://www.human-memory.net/disorders_psychogenic.html)), and partly because memories may be incompletely [encoded](http://www.human-memory.net/processes_encoding.html) if the event interrupts the normal process of transfer from [short-term](http://www.human-memory.net/types_short.html) to [long-term memory](http://www.human-memory.net/types_long.html). There is also some evidence that traumatic stress events can actually lead to a long-term physical reduction of the volume of the [brain](http://www.human-memory.net/brain.html)'s **hippocampus** , an organ integrally involved in the making and processing of memories._

what Alec has is post-traumatic amnesia. Meaning that his ability to form new memories is damaged. It will heal with time in this case. 

In Alec's case, the confusion is benign, i remember the doctor I spoke to refering to it as "pleasantly confused". 

This is not based on a particular case, its based on a lot of different things that can happen when someone suffers from a traumatic brain injury. 

I am doing research as I write this, there's a lot out there. I find this topic very interesting and i wanted to share it. 


	8. Unaware

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little time jump through what happens after Alec wakes up, before Alec is aware of what is happening.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The first stages of waking from a coma are different than in the movies. But Alec's recovery is quick. For now. 
> 
> Hope you like it.

Time passed quickly after that. Alec opening his eyes every now and again made it easier, in a way. He would only be awake for a short period of time, maybe a minute or two. The doctors called it Minimally Conscious State. Cat had explained that it was a good sign, that Alec was responding to outside stimulation. Sounds, movement, touch. Although his mind wasn't fully awake yet, his body was letting them know that something was happening. Alec wasn't fully aware of what was going on around him, but maybe. Maybe soon, he would be. So Magnus couldn't stop himself from hoping. 

With every hour that passed, the duration of Alec being awake got longer and longer. At first it was seconds. Then a minute. Then 10 minutes. After the first day, he had made eye contact with Maryse for a full 30 minutes. 

Two days after Alec woke up, the doctors decided that he was stable enough to be moved out of the Intensive Care Unit and into his own room. That meant no more hospital gowns, no more plastic gloves. The room was still kept dark, but he was now staying awake for more than two hours. He was smiling, and had even started to make sounds. It was more like groaning, rather than speaking or expressing. But it was the most beautiful sound in the world. Thankfully, there had been no negative or violent outbursts. But he was still unable to make new memories nor was he even aware of his surroundings. Not the time, not the day, not the people, nor the place. He doesn’t know what happened nor what was happening. The doctors would call it being pleasantly confused. 

Alec still didn't recognise them. They could see it in his eyes. And they didn't push him. He would get better in his own time. There was no rush. Maryse would talk to Alec about the farm and he would smile at her. Magnus read him a book and he smiled. Someone walked past the room and his gaze would follow the movement and he would smile. No smile was the same. The smile he gave the nurses was small, almost shy. The smile he gave his mother was content, calm and loving. The smile he gave Magnus was a slight curl of his lips with his teeth showing.

The family had become more hopeful once the Physiotherapist (PT) and the Occupational Therapist (OT) had come to assess Alec’s mobility. Once he was more awake, they were able to sit him up on the side of the bed. He lasted for ten minutes before he vocalised his pain. And he had started to fidget. There was a lot of groaning and grimacing from Alec, like every move was painful. And his once strong muscles were weak. He could barely prop himself upright independently when sitting. 

“Just a little more, Alec.” Maryse said encouragingly, her eyes watering at the sight of her son being so weak and in pain. She grabbed Magnus’ hand for support and squeezed. Both of them wanted to cry.

Alec slept for three hours after that first try of sitting.

Twice a day the PT and OT would come and see him to practice his sitting. His tolerance increased every day. For an hour or two a day, every day, the nurses would hoist him to a lazy boy chair so that he wouldn’t be on the bed all the time. It’s to prevent pressure sores. He still needed regular rests in between. But at least he was becoming more active.

Since Alec’s level of consciousness was still fluctuating in the early days, he was deemed to be at risk for choking. The first time they gave him something to drink, he coughed and spluttered. He was at high risk of having food or fluid go down his lungs and it could cause an infection. They had to insert a tube through his nose and it went all the way to his stomach. This was how he was fed. 

The insertion was unpleasant, and several times, Alec had attempted to pull it out. But he would stop when the nurses or his family would tell him. He would frown though and sometimes scratch at the edge of his nostril where the tube was. And there was this look in his eyes that showed he was contemplating pulling it out. 

“You can be grumpy at me all you want. But you need that tube. You’re not allowed to pull it out.” Magnus said sternly, during one of his visits, after catching Alec plotting again. 

Alec bit his lip and frowned at him, eyes sharp, and teeth clenched. At one point, he even huffed. Had it been any other situation, Magnus would have been sad that Alec was upset with him. But this reaction from Alec, this frown, was a welcome sight. Alec was communicating his displeasure with a clear intention. Even if he didn't say it in words. It was a good thing. His reactions were becoming more wide-ranged and appropriate. 

The Physiotherapist had brought with him a soft helmet, explaining that because a part of Alec’s skull was open, the helmet would protect his head if he were to fall when moving. Of course, Alec hadn't liked it at first when they put it on, he kept trying to pull on it. The staff scolded him, of course, telling him to leave it alone. And then they would move him to the lazy boy chair next to his bed. 

As soon as Alec settled into the chair, he would look around and see the window. And he would smile. Sometimes the window was open and fresh air would blow gently over his face, and Alec would just zone out and enjoy the moment. 

Alec had always loved the outdoors, even doing his homework on the front porch of their country home or go out riding on his horse, Stele. So maybe, in a way, Alec felt at home in that moment. It was a beautiful sight to see, and it gave them hope. 

When they would move him back to the bed and try to take the helmet off, Alec would frown and push their hands away. It made Maryse smile a bit. No matter how much trouble it was putting the helmet on, it was always more trouble taking it off because, in her mind, he wanted to be moving. He wanted to feel the fresh air, to see outside. He wanted to be free. That is who Alec had always been. 

Because he was still in a state of Post Traumatic Amnesia (PTA), he couldn't make new memories. And because of that, every day was a new day to him. He couldn't remember the day before, so they would have to tell him the same things again. Who they were, what day it was, why he was there. But he couldn't really understand it because of the confusion and disorientation. And he would never answer them with words, just smiles and groans. But he was awake. That was the important thing. 

Every day, the neurologist and the OT would ask him a series of questions to test if he was coming out of PTA. Alec would never be able to answer them, but with time, he would get one or two questions right. Every day he could answer more and more of the questions. 

Until one day. They had moved him to the bed and were trying to take the helmet off. As usual, Alec would try to stop them, but between the groaning, a small “no” got through. Then louder. “No.” 

After that, things changed. After two weeks in a coma, and five days awake, he started using words. It wasn't many words, “Yes” and “No” being the first. His speech was still a bit slurred, but he used those words in every situation. He would sometimes mimic words he heard, and sometimes get them very wrong, and cause the nurses to be unable to hold back small giggles. And then he would laugh with them. 

There were some words that he didn't seem to understand. The doctors started mentioning words like Aphasia, which Magnus remembered from his journals. He hadn't looked at them much since Alec woke up. 

So it was a breath of fresh air to see the arrival of the Speech-Language Therapist (SLT) to assess his swallowing and his speech. Magnus and Robert had been in to visit him during that time. They had to convince Maryse to go back to the hotel and sleep. She finally agreed to go back to the hotel with Alec's siblings to rest. They may have had to use a secret weapon: Max’s cuteness. He was her youngest, her “baby” after all.

Alec had had a particularly good night. He slept easy, and was not distressed, despite the discomfort with the feeding tube.

“Alright, so I’m going to check your swallowing muscles before I give you the food. To check and see how they’re functioning.” The SLT said cheerily. Alec kept eye contact, and nodded, like he understood that he needed to do something.

First she got him to open his mouth, and asked him to say “ahhh” which he was able to do. “You’re getting pretty good at imitating sounds, aren’t you?” Alec nodded again. “Right. So this time I need you to move your tongue from one side…” Alec moved his tongue to the right. “and then the other.” Alec did as he was told. “Excellent. Now this time, pucker your lips.”

Alec frowned, appearing confused by the instruction. 

“Pucker your lips like in a kiss.” She instructed again. Alec still didn’t follow.

“Come on, son. Pretend you’re kissing Magnus.” Robert suggested cheerfully. Alec shot his father a look, eyes wide, his face turning red. 

Magnus who had been so focused on the assessment, and Alec doing well, was completely taken by surprise by Robert’s comment. He was not expecting that from the reverend, not to mention the father of his boyfriend. His face turned red.

Robert and the SLT both laughed as they looked at the two teenagers blushing.

Once the assessment was done, Alec was cleared to eat and drink as normal. If he is able to eat and drink enough by mouth, the tube could be removed. That news seemed to brighten him up. 

“Is he allowed pizza?” Robert asked knowing it was one of Alec’s favourites. Alec’s eyes widened again. Hopeful and excited.

“As long as he doesn’t have too big mouthfuls, and doesn’t eat too fast he should be alright.” The SLT confirmed. “And I’ll come back tomorrow to do some assessments on your speech.” She smiled at him warmly. “Still, for now. No big mouthfuls, okay?” She shook her index finger at him jokingly, like she was telling him off.

Alec’s face brightened and he chuckled. Magnus bit his lip and glanced to the side. But he couldn't help but laugh as well. 

The SLT warned them about the increased risk of choking on his food.

“What we want is to prevent aspiration, which is when food or fluid go down your airway below your vocal cords.” She explained, more to Magnus and Robert than to Alec. “Penetration can also happen, that’s when food or fluid goes near your airway just above your vocal cords. On both accounts you should cough. It's your body's way of protecting itself. As much as possible, we try to prevent aspiration or penetration.” Magnus and Robert both nodded to indicate they understood.

But Alec was grinning. The word “penetration” was hilarious to him. His shoulders started shaking and he leaned his head back and all but roared with laughter for a full minute. 

Robert seemed confused. “Why is that so funny?” 

Magnus couldn't look Robert in the eye. The SLT seemed to understand. She just patted his shoulder with a smile on her face. 

It was safe to say that Alec’s rotten sense of humor was intact. 

* * *

Magnus put his phone back into his bag. He had just spoken to Cat about how much Alec was improving. She was impressed at how quickly it was going. With a deep breath, made his way into Alec’s room. 

“Hey, cowboy. Ready for your bedtime story?” 

Alec frowned at him. 

“I know. You are not a child. I'm sorry.” 

Alec gave him a tired smile. His eyes were bleary with fatigue but they also held a glimpse of excitement. The same look he always had when he looked at Magnus. 

Magnus moved a chair closer to Alecs bed and sat down and pulled out a large book. He had been reading this book to Alec since he woke up. Cat had mentioned how it would help, and this was Alec’s favorite. As soon as Alec saw the book, his eyes lit up even more. It was, with a lack of a better term, adorable. It would come as a shock to most people, but for some reason, Magnus found that it kind of suited him. Alec was a passionate Lord of the Rings fan. Of course, he wasn't fluent in Elvish nor did he hate the movies, but it was something he enjoyed very much. 

“Where were we… ah! They were deciding about the ring. Far too much fuss about a piece of jewelry, in my opinion.” 

Magnus looked up, just in time to see Alec roll his eyes. 

“Don’t roll your eyes at me. It's a ring.”    
  
Alec would probably launch into a very detailed explanation if he could about how the ring was so much more than just jewelry. Magnus had always found it extremely enjoyable to watch when Alec talked about something he was so passionate about. And kind of sexy. Alec would get so worked up over it. So maybe Magnus did it on purpose. Sue him. 

Magnus found the page and cleared his throat. “Alright. Here we go.” 

It felt oddly right, in that moment. Magnus couldn't find a better word for it. The atmosphere was calm, silent. Magnus wasn't much of a reader. But since Alec’s accident, when he had started reading this story to him, seeing the reactions Alec gave at certain parts. He has started to see why Alec loved his books, his stories so much. 

“’I will take the ring’ he said, ’though I do not know the way.’” Magnus looked up to see Alec’s eyes water slightly. “What a brave little hobbit he is, huh?” 

Alec nodded and smiled. 

Magnus turned back to the book. “’Elrond raised his eyes and looked at him, and Frodo felt his heart’-”

Magnus jumped when something slapped his knee. He looked down and saw a hand. Alec’s hand. He furrowed his brow and looked up to see Alec smiling at him. 

“Magnus?” 

The book slipped from his hands and landed on the floor with a small thud. Alec’s voice was raspy and his words were still slurred but-

“Magnus.” 

There it was again. The hand on his knee moved and Magnus grabbed it. And Alec held his hand. He closed his palm and his fingers curled around Magnus’s. 

Magnus smiled and brought his hand up to kiss it. 

“Yes?” Magnus murmured, almost afraid to ruin the moment if he spoke too loudly. Alec grinned and pulled his hand back. Magnus let himself be pulled closer, because Alec’s grip on his hand was solid, strong. Magnus got up and sat on the bed when Alec rested their hands against his chest. 

“You should get some rest, darling. I'll see you tomorrow.” 

He leaned forward to place a kiss on Alec’s forehead, like he always did. However, Alec seemed to have other ideas. He tilted his head up and the look in his eyes made Magnus’s heart flutter. It was a moment of perfect clarity. It was like Alec knew who he was and what they were to each other. Magnus smiled and kissed his lips instead. It was merely an innocent peck, but it was perfect all the same. Alec smiled at him and closed his eyes. 

“Sweet dreams, Alexander.” 

Magnus didn't cry. But he stayed like that, leaning over Alec for a few minutes before getting up. He sat back down and picked up the book, and started reading again. 

“’Elrond raised his eyes and looked at him, and Frodo felt his heart pierced by the sudden keenness of the glance.’”

Alec didn't let go of his hand until he fell asleep. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is what I have written, from back when I worked on it. I have the entire story planned out with details, but I haven't written more. This is where I lost confidence in the story. Please let me know if you want more. 
> 
> I'm on tumblr, SargentCow, if you wanna chat. 
> 
> Thank you for reading ❤


	9. Unmasked

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A lil fluff and a lil non-fluent aphasia.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you like it. 
> 
> I'm no expert, i'm doing the best I can with what info i can find. 
> 
> I dont know how fast updates will be, but i'll do my best :)

Using make up wasn’t a way to hide, as many would have thought. It was a way to express, to draw out the person from within. A tool to bring out the strength, and confidence in a person when they felt it. For the past few weeks, Magnus hadn’t used make up. It might have been because he didn’t feel particularly strong, with everything that had happened. 

Magnus didn’t hate the way he looked. He was a good looking guy. Anyone with eyes could see that. From the shape of his eyes to his sharp jawline, Magnus was confident in the way he looked. Make up was just an enhancement to those features. And let’s be honest. His eyeliner was on point every time. 

For the first time in weeks, Magnus stood in front of the mirror with his make up bag. He still knew the process like the back of his hand. But it was different. He wasn’t putting it on to make himself look the way he felt. He wanted to look good. For Alec. Was that weird? 

Now that Alec was more aware of things, Magnus began to fret over the silliest things. He was right back to when they first met. How to impress the hot cowboy? Extra eyeliner? A different shirt? A big smile? To Magnus, it felt like a new start. And in a way, maybe it was. Alec was relearning everything. From speaking to walking. The progress he had made in the past two weeks was incredible. The doctors were so impressed and Magnus was so proud of him. 

Cat had warned him about what could happen in the future, with Alec becoming more aware of the things he couldn’t do. But for some reason, Magnus didn’t see it as a thing to worry about. Alec was strong, brave. He could do this. If the past two weeks meant anything, Alec would overcome this and recover. 

Even with the small accidents that had happened, it seemed like Alec understood that it would take time. He was very positive most of the time, listening to the doctors and practicing everything he could remember. He was a hard working kind of guy. 

Magnus put the kohl eyeliner back into his bag and admired his work. Damn, he was good. He grabbed his backpack and headed to the hospital. 

Nervousness settled in his stomach, but it didn't come from fear. Instead, it was more excitement. Seeing Alec was becoming exciting again. For the past few weeks, there had been dread and fear, not knowing if he was okay, and seeing him in a hospital bed. But now that he was awake, Magnus found himself looking forward to seeing him. 

As usual, once he got there, Alec’s brother Jace was outside his room, watching him. He never went inside to see Alec. Magnus often asked him why, but Jace never answered. He just walked away with his shoulders hunched, like he was carrying something heavy. Alec even asked about Jace sometimes, not really understanding why he wasn’t there when the Lightwood family visited. 

Jace raised his head to see Magnus arriving, and turned and walked away. Magnus wasn’t sure how to talk to him, so he just let him walk away. 

Before entering the room, Magnus watched Alec. The OT and PT were there with him, helping him stand up. Last week they used a standing hoist to get him out of bed and transfer him to a chair, this was only the second day they were trying to see if Alec could stand or even transfer without it but still with assistance. His legs were still a bit shaky but his upper body was stronger. And he had a big smile on his face, probably from something the OT said to him. Magnus smiled to himself. The PT seemed to compliment Alec because he laughed slightly. God, Magnus missed that laugh. 

Once Alec was sitting in the chair, the OT noticed Magnus, and gestured that it was okay for him to come in. Magnus opened the door and stepped inside. The window was open, and the room was a lot brighter in more ways than one. Alec looked up and his smile grew into a full grin. 

“Do you recognise him?” The OT asked. 

Alec quirked his eyebrows at the question. “Yes… he’s my… my Magnus.” 

Magnus smiled and shook his head. “Well, aren’t you a charmer?” Alec laughed and reached out his hand. Magnus took his hand and leaned forward to kiss his forehead. “Hey, cowboy.” 

Alec didn’t say anything. Instead, he raised his other hand to touch Magnus’ face. 

“You like it?” Magnus asked. Alec nodded. 

Magnus always knew that Alec was bad with words. The best way to understand was by looking into his eyes, and the way Alec looked at him reminded Magnus of their first kiss under a tree in Central Park. 

Alec opened his mouth to say something, but struggled with his words. He sighed, and tried again. "Is sister- no," Alec grimaced, raising his hand and moving it around slightly, trying to articulate what he was trying to say. "My sister- no, sister- man, is-" he sighed, letting out a sound of slight irritation. 

Alec had always struggled with words, choosing to speak honestly instead of dancing around topics. Even though Aphasia was something he would deal with, that didn't mean he was less intelligent or he should be sheltered because of it. Catarina told him a lot about how to communicate with Alec, make sure to listen and have complete focus on what was happening, Magnus still wanted to protect him. 

Magnus kneeled down in front of him, taking his hand and smiled. "Jace?" 

Alec nodded. "Where?" 

"Yeah, I saw him outside. Has he visited you?" Magnus asked. 

Alec shook his head. "No…" 

Alec asked about Jace every day, expressing his desire to see him strongly. Why hadn't he visited him? Where was he? Magnus never knew what to tell Alec when he asked. 

"I'll talk to him when I see him, okay?" Magnus offered, and Alec smiled. 

"Okay," Alec said, squeezing his hand. 

"Your grip is getting stronger," Magnus said, changing the subject. Alec gave him a bashful smile, but didn't say anything. 

"He said he wanted to hold you, so he's working really hard," the PT said, wiggling his eyebrows at them. Alec let out a huff, glaring at the man, who just shrugged. 

Magnus raised an eyebrow at Alec. "Did he, now?" 

Alec's face flushed and lowered his head, but he still had a smile on his face. 

"Well, you are holding me pretty tightly," Magnus teased, pressing a kiss to Alec's hand. 

Alec stared at his hand, blinking a few times. He then raised his head to look directly at Magnus and puckered his lips. He didn't lean forward, but he did tug on Magnus's hand. 

With a smile, Magnus closed the distance between them, pressing a soft kiss to Alec's lips. And the smile on Alec's face was blinding. 

Not long after that, the PT and OT helped Alec back into bed, and Magnus left the room after he fell asleep. 

Things were changing, in a good way. For the first time in a while, Magnus looked forward to the future, ready for whatever it might bring. 


	10. Unbroken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little view from Jace's pov. 
> 
> Trigger warnings are guilt and self hatred, and crude depictions of what's happening due to Jace not understanding. 
> 
> Alec should be Rancho level 3 - 5 in this, still in Post Traumatic Amnesia.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave a comment, ask a question, anything is welcome. I hope you like it :)
> 
> Quick update, might edit later.

Jace was an orphan. It wasn't a big deal, he lost his parents in a car crash when he was 8, and he was taken in by the Lightwood family. They were distant relatives, and the only ones who offered to take him in. His grandparents were dead, his parents had no siblings. It wasn't a big deal. 

Except it was. He gained a family. He owed them everything. If it hadn't been for them, Jace would have gone into the foster system, and he heard enough stories about kids in the system to know that he got lucky. 

Alec was his best friend, from the moment he moved in. They connected instantly, they shared hobbies and interests. Mostly horses and books. 

Alec was everything to him. His best friend, his brother, his person. When Alec came out to him, Jace showed the same kind of support and acceptance Alec had given him. 

But now? How could he even face them? It was his fault. He was responsible for it. It had been his idea to go out in the first place, to get Alec's mind off things. 

Whenever Jace tried to visit, he never made it further than the door to Alec's room. He would stop and watch Alec go about his routine. He never asked about Alec's recovery, or how he was doing. He had no right. It was his fault. He caused this. 

Jace put his hand on the doorframe, watching Alec and the OT by the sink. Alec had the helmet on, his eyes were glassy and he was wearing a white shirt. Alec hated white clothes, he always said it was too much work to clean the stains out. Not that it was easier on his black shirts, but Jace understood what he meant. White was clean, and Alec wasn't afraid of hard work. He preferred to get his hands dirty. 

Seeing Alec in a clean, white shirt was odd. His hair poking through the helmet was strange. Alec looked strange. Everything was wrong. His movements were slow, his focus was scattered. 

A patch of drool dribbled down Alec's chin, and he didn't seem to notice, so focused on washing his hands. 

"Can you swallow for me?" The OT asked, and Alec reacted almost instantly. He swallowed, and the OT wiped his chin with a towel. 

"Thank you, Alec," the OT commented with a caring tone in her voice, and Alec nodded, going back to his task. 

Jace felt his chest constrict painfully, and a fresh batch of tears gathered in his eyes. There was so much he didn't understand. Was Alec just a shell now? Jace didn't know much about Alec's condition, he made a point to avoid it as much as possible. It was his fault, Jace knew that, but taking responsibility was hard. He was the one who asked Alec to go out riding, teasing him and riling him up. He started the race, he knew the dangers. 

He could still hear Stele freaking out, Alec trying to control her, the sickening echo of Alec's skull hitting the rocks. 

He blinked the tears out of his eyes and walked away. Maybe next time, he thought. Maybe next time, he could face Alec. 

"Jace?" 

Jace looked up, seeing Magnus smiling at him. 

"Are you here to visit Alec?" Magnus asked him. 

Jace shook his head and walked away. 

Magnus called his name, but Jace didn't respond. As he rounded the corner, away from view, Jace stopped. What was wrong with him, ignoring Magnus like that? Magnus had been nothing but nice to him since they met. 

After a moment, he decided to apologize, turning back. Magnus was looking through the open door, with a sad smile on his face. 

Jace couldn't imagine what Magnus was feeling right now, but a fresh wave of guilt and self hatred poured through his body like cold water. 

He caused this. Jace was the reason why Magnus was unhappy. He was the reason why Alec was hurt. He had no right to be here. 

So he left the hospital, and went back to the farm. There was work to be done. 

Next time, Jace would visit. 

Next time. 


	11. Authors note

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Quick update

Hey. It's been a while. I wanted to apologize for the delay, I haven't been well mentally. I still intend on writing this and finishing it. 

I'm trying to set up a schedule, so that chapters will come out more regularly. Writing ahead is part of my plan. 

Just know that once I start uploading again, the chapters will hopefully come up once a week. 

If there's anyone still keeping an eye on this fic, thank you for the support. More chapters are coming, I promise. 


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